Thursday Feb 20

THIS IS ACTUALLY TRUE: I had the patio door open, and as I went to take this photograph, the wind must've changed and I could hear a woman 'having a good time' going "uh uh uh , yeah, yeah". It was essentially the audio equivalent of what my eyes were seeing and I was seconds away from tasting. Dig the True Moo strawberry in the background, that's some magical (very sugary) drinkage right there. I'm thinking of making it the official drink of Eggs With Andy. Well, maybe.

BASICALLY - if these eggs were a guitar solo, they'd be this: 

 

Yeah, that's right -  a Jimi Hendrix teeth solo! Thanks YouTube user RockAndSkateGuy!

Which means basically all other eggs are like:

Yep, the Fred Durst special (17 Seconds in for the good bit) 

Tuesday Feb 18

Whoaaaa, steady, this was like a SCUD missile (yeah I was about when the first Gulf War was on, and what?) of taste to the mouth. Another round of perfect eggs! Who would've known I'd pull it out the bag AGAIN, with my mad egg poaching skills? Who thought I could go ANOTHER day and get it just so perfectly right? Check out how much white there is there. You're not gonna end up with a couple of mouthfuls of just toast and yolk scrapings with that amount of white on there, are ya? Noooo way boss. Bow down all you egg infidels. 

Check it, you want to hear a really boring guy talk you through poaching an egg? i'm gonna warn you now he's a chump. 

       

WHAT! Ten minutes? Are you crazy? TEN to poach an egg? I've poached mine - all three - and eaten them in that time. And if you look the yolk cracks when he puts it in. This guy is JOKE. 

 The comments underneath say it all: 

Mr logic:

Charlie Brennan

3 weeks ago

No use for two eggs. the second one gets screwed up by the vortex that makes the first one possible. And nobody eats one egg for breakfast but a child.

Reply

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this guy can't bring himself to put two eggs in the same pan, WHAAAAA?

araucana1976

1 year ago

This is the best and easier way to poached an egg....the only downsized is that if you are cooking 2 or more at the same time you need a pot for each one.....still better than other methods. Thank you for the video.

Wednesday Feb 12

KABOOM this was it. This was the ultimate eggsplosion. This was the mother goddamned HEN. As the beautiful golden yolk melted out over the perfectly soft white and mingled with the butter on the toast I thought: "This gonna be good." And I wasn't wrong. Back to the Kerrygold salted, and I'm glad the eggs were so perfect to complement it. These was some of the best poached eggs that have ever been eaten. I was satisfied with every mouthful. This was 'The Old Man and The Sea' of poached eggs, perfect in conception, balanced and evocative and not one word (mouthful) wasted. 

Here's the butter yeah - note my nice new red butter dish:

And here you go, I'm gonna give you a bit of insider knowledge. Listenup. So, you heat the water up so it's hot and boiling rapidly. Then you reduce the heat, so it's still bubbling, but not fiercely. Then crack your eggs into the water. Don't bother with vinegar or swirling, that's for chumps. If you've got it right, your egg should float a little bit above the bottom. If its not hot and bubbly enough they will sink to the bottom of the pan, if its too hot, the white will start to get messed up from the off and it will quickly go cloudy and you're well on your way to scooping out a hard yellow yolk attached to a thin globule of white which will make you look like a nob, and people will laugh at your substandard poaching skills and you'll never get a girlfriend or boyfriend. 

Here's my eggs in the pan, on their way to becoming perfect:

yyyeaaaaaaah boyeeeeee. KILLIN' IT, KILLIN EGGS, yo.

Monday Feb 10

What's this yeah? What's that you see at the front? NO, it's not a cartoon. NO, it's not some Leonardo Da Vinci rendering of an egg on toast. THAT, is what comes out of my pan. It's so perfect, its like one of those egg foam sweets you get from the shop :>

Like dem bad boyz there. Expect, my one on toast tasted better. It was like the immaculate egg, it was so perfect I almost didn't want to take the knife and fork to it. A tear may have even been shed onto the plate and mixed with the delicious salty butter, slightly burned toast (with seeds at the edge, yeah, you know the one!) and delicious, perfectly poached egg.       

Wednesday Feb 5

BANG! Im comin atcha with three super-poached eggs. Look at them! Don't you just wanna take a knife and BAM! puncture each of those so the yolk spills out all over the toast, all over the plate, into the little grains of salt and pepper that missed the toast? Yet, you know you do     

You see this? yeah, you see this? 

That, is for idiots. That - is for suckers, yeah. It is the egg poaching equivalent of one of these: 

That's right, a microwave curry. What I'm cooking up is GOURMET. It's a banquet, its pinnacle egg poaching perfection. Every time. Blam blam blam runny EGGS!  

Tuesday Feb 4

Four decent runny yolks, medium hard. Hot Damn, I'm good at poaching eggs. I can't even remember  the last time I did one with a hard yolk. Seriously, at this level you'd have to be really drunk or a complete and utter chump to mess eggs up so they're hard-yolks. That's for kids who know NAFFINCK about egg poaching on the STREETS, yeah, get me, fam? yo - cuz come round and cook eggs hard, whack that wasteman in chops yeah, get me? give man a smack yeah, tellem.